the hapless lives of
may be substantially
different than yours
in every possible

to you
and if you can’t
imagine it,
nor fathom it
don’t be
about it

© she
May 16, 2016
Artist Ben Goossens



I’ll tell you my horror sorry
The story of my life
As a test that you’ll disappear
And usually I’m right
I won’t let you get too close
Because closeness leads to pain
I can’t handle false friendships
When I’ll only get hurt again

Thus this blog is my horror story

© she
November 9, 2016
Artwork by Brook Shaden


Someone’s looking 

for a person like me (an empath)

Someone influenced 

by your wishes like me

Someone showing 

too much empathy

In a world filled 

with disharmony

We are right there 

to pick up the pieces

This is why we attract 

the wrong people 

The  narcissist

© she



It’s hard for me to tell you what
I need from a relationship, but
I can now definitely tell you what
I DON’T NEED (based on my latest experiences)

number one
I don’t need someone
who threatens to hit me

number two
I don’t need someone
who calls me names

number three
I don’t need someone
who only thinks about

number four
I don’t need someone
who doesn’t have a plan
for thiers our future

number five
I don’t need someone
who can’t provide for us

number six
I don’t need someone
who doesn’t have any
ambition or goals in life

number seven
I don’t need someone
who doesn’t think before
they act or think before 
they speak

number eight
I don’t need someone
who doesn’t care about
my needs and wants

number nine
I don’t someone whose
not open minded or thinks
they know everything

number ten
I don’t need someone
who’s going to take my
trust, love and loyalty and
crush it into dust

The Visit

I came down to Texas to visit a month ago. My ticket was bought by my husband, (were not divorced yet). It was an emergency to try and see if we could both convince our son to go to rehab for a meth addiction. An addiction which began when Rob and my son first moved back to East Texas almost two years ago.

I’d already been told by Rob’s cousin that Van, (a small town 20 min down the road from where he and my son were moving back to) was one big meth house so to speak, which was the reason why she moved her kids out of that town. I could have told Rob this if he had only listened to me. He instead being his narcissistic ass, decided to take on the role of both parents chose to not didnt care no matter I said or warned him about. I hadn’t mattered anymore. Instead I got the full fledged invisible, silent treatment and dismissal treatment.

This is also when I’d had 16 years enough of it, packed up my shit and left at the end of 2015. December 31, 2015 to be exact.

Which brings us to the present. The son that I love to death, the son who had began treating me disrespectfully like shit who also chose to move back with his father and who also chose not to see me off as I packed my small U-Haul up and drove by myself up to Iowa, is now a 10 grade high school drop out is now strongly addicted to Meth.

My therapist tells me that this is not my fault that it turned out like this, but it sure feels like it.

My therapist is a blessing in disguise

I’ve been going to my current therapist every week since I let my husband and moved to another state almost two years go.

I’ve made alot of progress if I must say so myself.

I’ve gone from blogging about how miserable my life was to blogging about helpful information about various things regarding narcissism, abuse and etc. I’m never going to stop talking about that because it’ll always be an important factor in my life.

I’m still in the process of healing. Healing which may take years, but I’m in no hurry as long as I don’t have any distractions or setbacks.


Personally I don’t think it’s all in my head. What it is, is their word against mine. Sort of like gas lighting. That’s why I don’t want any friends.

They use you to keep their secrets or to share their excitement about something while I’m just supposed

(wait… I’m not supposed to do anything)

to sit there, shut up, and be this supportive ear, whether it’s good or bad news. I’m made to feel…

(wait,… their not making me do anything)

I’m left feeling used and as if the favor ever needed to be returned, I’d receive less the attention that I gave them.

As a matter of fact. I know this to be TRUE, and I am not imagining this. It’s currently happening to me right now by two different individual people.

Then whenever I finally get fed up listening how you feel used because all you do is listen, listen, listen to them but you’re rarely listen to, I’m consider crazy when I finally get up the nerve to tell them that I don’t appreciate it.