I cope with sadness by trying to make people laugh and making people laugh makes me laugh. Laughter is the best medicine for me as well as it gives me the inspiration to create my best artwork.
I want to vent about something and I’m being very vulnerable as I’m doing this. I’ve been seeing a new therapist for almost 3 years. I went in there knowing that I had a mental disability, but I was in denial. Although she knew what it was she would not come right out and remind me “Your behaving this way because you have a _______”, so we spent two and a half years pussyfooting around the diagnosis which was given to me over 25 years ago by my very first psychiatrist. Anyway, these bahavioral patterns/signs of mine regarding the mental disorder, truthfully I failed to associate the two and I don’t know why. All I know is I kept repeating them over and over losing friend after friend. My tendency to constantly push friends and relationships away for the silliest reasons I wound up being alone. All these years the good friends I’ve accused of doing things to me or not caring enough, I just learned were actually signs of Borderline Personality Disorder and I was diagnosed with it over over 25 years ago which soon after I went into denial. I didn’t know what it was. I didn’t understand the details of it or the specific signs and behaviors of it. All I did knew was that the stigma for BPD was associated with being a really negative thing peoples eyes. All these years the good friends I’ve accused of doing things to me or not caring enough, I just learned were actually signs of BPD. My therapist also just started introducing me to a new term called COGNITIVE DISTORTIONS. And I googled it. I couldn’t believe what I have read!!😮 Most every one of those traits were me! Just like the link I’ve provided on how people with BPD self- sabotage, described me! I was tripping out. I cried. I hated myself for hurting three out of five of the closest friends I’ve ever trusted. Now those friends will never trust me again, which I don’t blame them anymore. I used to, but now knowing what I know the friends I had don’t deserve being treated like that.
P. S. And just to let you know Borderline Personality Disorder is such a complex and broad-spectrum Disorder. No case is the same.