I SUGGEST YOU READ THE WHOLE THING (SO THERE’S NO SURPRISES LATER)
Angela (who is also black) made the right call dumping you when she did.
Then I came along like a dumb-ass fly and crawled right into the spiderweb of something I hadn’t realized why she did.
I actually envy her because she most likely found a good man (a gentleman, raised by a good mother) who treated her right and didn’t think that “treating a woman like a queen” was a bad thing by simply doing what the average man is supposed to do. I’m sure she found someone who didn’t find it a BIG DEAL to treat her the way she deserved to be treated by:
– Listening to her
– Valuing her
– Trusting her
– Caring for her
– Respecting her
– Understanding her
– Being grateful for her
– Loving her
– Being thankful that he was the mother of his children
I can almost guarantee he treats her much better than you’ve ever treated me.
She’s lucky because she doesn’t have to feel hurt all of the time.
….like I do.
I’ve stuck around and endured you constantly making me feel:
– like a ghost
– like having to talk to me is going to kill you (I can’t even ask a simple question)
– like what I say or do doesn’t matter
– like an outsider
– like what I say or ask of is inconveniencing you
– like my existence is only good for cooking, cleaning and most importantly to have sex with
WHAT, YOU DON’T THINK I’M SMART ENOUGH TO RECOGNIZE WHEN I’M BEING TREATED LIKE SHIT!?
You’ve broken me down, you’ve crushed my soul and hate you for that. Are you happy?
YOUR actions speak volumes louder than your words.
Your actions speak louder than your words. I’m tired of playing the guessing game.
Which is why you probably feel you don’t “need” to talk to me……like EVER.
Just like you said to me last night when I asked you why you didn’t tell me about something and you responded, “I didn’t know I had to.”
What kind of shit is that!? Who do you think you’re talking to? Who do you think you are!? You don’t talk to our son or our dog like that, ONLY me.
How dare you treat me like shit. Like I was a piece of shit stuck onto the bottom of your shoe!
I sit here and listen to the way to talk to our son (and everyone else) as opposed to me.
Which blatantly shows how disrespectful you really are to me.
I know for a fact that Angela wouldn’t have put up with your shit like I stupidly have.
I wish I’d had the strength to do what she did back then too, but you made it difficult for me to continue to walk away.
WHY DIDN’T YOU JUST LET ME WALK AWAY? DID YOU PLAN ON MAKING ME SUFFER for the rest of my life OR DOES MISERY REALLY LOVE COMPANY?
You had to manipulate me with you sorrowful crocodile tears as I walking down your pathway to my car. I was always a sucker for crocodile tears.
You made it even more difficult when I got pregnant. If I hadn’t of been DESPERATE for a baby, and after getting to know you for a few more months, I would have dumped you too.
BUT IT’S NOT ALL OF YOUR FAULT THOUGH….
I’m the shallow one who judged by skin rather than qualities. I’m the who assumed that any white man would treat me better than any black man.
Not only WAS I WRONG for believing that but I was wrong for judging my own race.
It was just my unfortunate luck I’d end up choosing a narcissistic egotistical white man. Who thinks he’s privileged and entitled.
Which I have no idea why because you didn’t go to college nor do you work in a white collar profession.
Lets face it. You live in what I’d call a Box World, [R]. You know what a box world is? It’s a person who goes to work in a factory type environment, with no exposure to anything else. They do the same thing there everyday, never talk to anyone else, and come straight home. They don’t socialize. They don’t get out, make friends or learn new things. They never crack open a book and they’re only interest is in watching television. I’d say they’re pretty boring conversationalist for the most part.
Yet they seem to think they know it all.
But YOU enjoy belittling me and making me feel like I don’t know anything.
Even though I am the exact opposite of you. I read, I’m constantly online educating myself, I do my best to socialize and go places (although you make it difficult) with your jealous suspicions. I seldom watch television because I’d rather be collecting art or educating myself on something new. I try to make myself knowledgeable about a little bit of everything from computers to the study of psychology and human behaviors.
And yet you still manage to make me feel dumb.
Before I met you, I had a high school friend who had the biggest crush on me. He adored me, respected me, told me that I was pretty, told me that I was smart, and we’d talked all the time about any and everything.
He was a college educated, smart, respectful, funny and kind. He was ever there for me through my car accident in 1994 but I kept denying him relationship wise JUST because of his skin color. He even confessed moving down south and to the same city I lived in to find me in 1998. We’d went on a few dates, but I still turned him down as far as anything more than that all because he was black.
INSTEAD, I foolishly turned right around and chose a white collar, adult child (age 24) with the immaturity of an 18-year-old boy from a small country town whose southern accent was so think it annoyed me everytime you spoke. And why?… because your skin color was white, and I was too impatient to wait around for a better choice.
So, I guess you can say that’s what I get and that’s what get for not waiting…
And there I was, a mature 28-year-old woman making the worst mistake of my entire life. Not knowing who I was really getting myself involved with.
I had no idea you would carry that immaturity until this very day. Along with other underlying personality problems. Which are far worse than me having major depression, Bi-polar II.
Before I met you, I’d never been treated like this before by ANY man and for ANY reason.
Yet you feel the way you treat me is always because of something that I did to you, which is BOLD FACE LIE! When I ask, you can’t even give me an answer!! EVER!!
You’re the liar, not me. 😠😠
Still you keep insisting that I have it good.
What woman would want to live with a man like you?
You must be delusional!
Do you think your only black friend treats his wife like this? How do you think he would feel about you if he knew that you treated a “sister” like this?
I don’t think he’d want to be your friend anymore, just like your former only black friend who stopped coming around 19 years ago.
Since day one, whenever you decided you wanted to treat me like I was “nothing” to you and you began “assuming” that I was this frigid, sex selfish bitch (TOUCH LESS, is what you enjoyed call me), which wasn’t true at all.
Why would I want to have sex with you, let alone allow you to touch me after you just belittled me, insulted me, made fun of me, talk to me like I was a child, told and not asked me to do something.
I do have some self respect, you know.
A man should not treat a woman like “nothing” and still expect to get layed.
It’s hurtful, disrespectful and demeaning. I refuse to be used in that way.
I’m not some piece of white red neck trash with out any self respect for herself. If you wanted that type of woman you should have married a girl from your home town and not a black woman.
Especially when you think you’re too good to apologize for being insensitive.
This is how I knew I really didn’t mean that much to you. You didn’t love me AND YOU STILL DON’T. God knows I tried to love you. I really tried….
You just see me as someone to fuck. I have feelings you know. I want love connected to those feelings.
And you’re just furious because I’m refusing to be used anymore.
You act as if it’s going to kill you to treat me with the respect that should come naturally, had you been raised right. Damn! It’s not hard to be nice!
So if you think I’m running around here cheating on you, you’re wrong and you obviously don’t know me that well. Or…never even cared to
And I don’t want some dude rolling all over me if he doesn’t love me.
AND THAT INCLUDES YOU TOO.
Besides you did your damage. I’m mentally fucked up for life. I don’t know if I can ever trust another man.
SEX OR NO SEX, GIVES YOU NO RIGHT TO TREAT ME THE WAY THAT YOU HAVE! NO RIGHT and NO EXCUSE!
Karma is a bitch and what goes around comes around. Just you wait.
YOU ACT LIKE AN ADULT CHILD HAVING A POUTING TIZZY FIT.
Maybe if you saw things from my perspective for once in your life, you’d understand why I do the things that I do. But that’s impossible for you to even do, because you head is so far stuck up own your ass.
I SHOULD NOT BE PUNISHED FOR:
– refusing to be a doormat anymore
– speaking my mind
– Not being Mrs. Cleaver with a home cooked meal on the table when you get home from work (when your ass is already sitting right there)
– not letting you tell me what to do
– for telling you that how your speaking to me is disrespectful and then you accuse me of starting an argument
Also, what kind of man treats his wife as if she’s a liability that he doesn’t really want to be responsible for???*:-/ confused
You seem to have no problems with me doing what I could to make you happy while you did nothing to make me happy.
You’ve always treated me like all these years you’ve been doing me a favor by “supporting” me.
What kind of person in their right mind treats his own wife like that!?
You confessed it, when you said “You were tired of carrying my butt.” Do you know how hurtful that was?
Well, let me confess something too, I’m tired of staying in this marriage just so you don’t have to be miserable alone.
I’m tired of feeling sorry for you too.
I’m tired of the fact that every time that I’ve decided to leave you, I would think about you before myself. Yet, you loved to call me selfish every chance you got.
I’d think about the stress you’d possibly be left in if the plant shut down or went on strike, or if you weren’t able to cope or pay the bills yourself.
I didn’t have much money but what I did have, I helped out. And it still wasn’t good enough for you. You even told me my contributions wasn’t making as much of a difference as yours was, but it sure did help didn’t it? I paid the utilities, the cable and the trash at the old house didn’t I? It was something. Which is better than nothing. I helped and it STILL didn’t matter to you.
So if you think you’re the only one in this marriage carrying or supporting someone, you have it all backwards.
As of today, if there is a heavy burden on you financially it’s because of your own choices and decisions, NOT MINE. Shit, you don’t even talk or communicate with me. What makes you think I am going to help you pay for your REPETITIVE financial mistakes. Haven’t you learned your lesson yet? You’re still doing the same shit you did 5 years ago. It’s like you NEVER learn. Yet, you don’t want to listen to me either.
– I’m not the one playing the mental games every single day, every single week, every single month and every single year we’ve been together.
– I’m not the one who makes you feel alone and lonely (Because you choose to be and it doesn’t seem to bother you) But that’s selfish thinking.
Maybe you enjoy being unsociable, non communicative and avoiding the real issues of life, but I don’t. I need companionship, communication, attention and laughter.
It’s not fair that you’ve taken that away from me for 16 years.
But misery loves company, right?
– I’m not the one who walks in a room and acts like I don’t even see you (as if you’re invisible)
– I’m not the one who’s passive aggressive and spiteful, when simply being the bigger person can put an end to the most trivial disagreements.
– I’m not the one who mentally prevents you from going and doing anything and going anywhere.
– I’m not the one ignoring your efforts to encourage Nathan to be respectful, teach morals and values, go to college and eventually get married and treat his wife with love and respect (because most boys WILL treat their wives the way they see their father treat their mother).
– I’m not the one refusing to sit down and discuss issues so we can be a team and work them out together.
– I’m not the one who sits back and ignores the fact that his son is bullying his mother in the next room and never get’s up off his ass to defend her.
Even my own son has the common courtesy and respect to acknowledge his mother with a head nod or a hey mom when he sees me, but you won’t even look my way!
I know, because I’m looking dead at you.
WHICH PROVES IT’S INTENTIONAL!
I say hi or hello on occasion and you barely act like you want to say anything back. You’re a fucking asshole.
WHO DO YOU THINK YOU ARE? WHAT GIVES YOU THE RIGHT TO TREAT ME THIS WAY?
– I’m not the one whose response to each and every thing that you say is “yeh, whatever” which is the most disrespectful and immature way of resolving and handling things. This is how I know for a fact that things will NEVER change with you. It’s useless ever trying anymore.
You don’t think that I haven’t begged your dad, your aunt, your cousin, and especially your sister to talk to you and make you understand how much you’re hurting me and for you to at least try to change??
But, OH NOOO, nobody wants to get involved.
I even told your best pal a year before I left how unhappy I was and that one day I was going to leave.
I TOLD PEOPLE WHOM I THOUGHT WOULD TALK SOME SENSE INTO YOU but it seems like everyone in your whole family, all they want to do is “turn a blind eye.” Which means to know about something morally wrong, but choose to do nothing about it.
It’s like, (for instance) if I came to their house with two black eyes, they’d pretend not to notice it.
THAT PROVES TO ME THAT THEY REALLY DON’T CARE AT ALL. So why should my presence?
Because if someone in the family asks me how I’m doing, I ain’t gone lie. I’m not fine. “I’m miserable because [R] made me that way.”
Or if they all heard [J] whooping [A] ass in the next bedroom, everyone would pretend not to hear it.
And you expect me to go to your hometown and act like everything is ok and honky dory? Well, it’s not and I’m tired of pretending!
You can lie to your dad all you want, but I’m not. I’m not a liar. You are. You didn’t even tell your dad about [N] getting kicked out of school for spitting on a cop or about his misdemeanor he has now.
I wouldn’t be surprised if you hadn’t told him. What, are you ashamed?
At least my bother was man enough to give [N] a lecture, which proves that he cared. Did you? No.
YOU DON’T AND HAVE NEVER HAD IT BAD [R]. I DID, AND I STILL DO.
I came back here for [N] and yes, I came back here thinking we’d get all get this worked out. I wouldn’t be homeless, you wouldn’t be practically be homeless; and it’d be a win-win solution for the both of us because I don’t know if you and your attorney knew this, but I was asked by my attorney if I wanted to ask for spousal support and I TURNED IT DOWN.
So if you think you’re doing me a favor by letting me “crash here” you’re not, because I turned down spousal support (alimony) because I actually felt sorry for you. AGAIN.
BECAUSE WHAT EVER I DO TO YOU, effects my son. I didn’t want that. I love my child. So It wasn’t about you at all. It never has been.
However, you would pull the rug up out from under me with no hesitation at all. You were trying to ask for child support from me; and I barely could afford to pay rent and feed myself in Austin. Plus restricted visiting rights.
Now, here we are three years later. Was it worth coming back? HELL NO. It wasn’t worth it coming back at all because you’ve made my life a living hell.
YOU’VE TAKEN EVERYTHING FROM ME!!
– You’ve AGAIN managed to take away my voice
– You’ve taken my son and managed to fuck up everything that I’ve tried to do right by him.
– I wanted him to go to college, but you act like you could care less. What kind father doesn’t want more for their child than they had? What kind of father doesn’t even speak to their son about going to college, having dreams aspiring for more? You sure don’t! Yet, I’m the bad guy!
– You’ve allowed him to disrespect me, bully me. You’re not doing your job in the disciplinary department so somebody’s gotta do it, but every time I try to you act like I’m disciplining you. Yet, I’m the bad guy!
– You’ve allowed our son to control everything. Likes he’s king of the castle. HE’S ONLY FUCKING SIXTEEN!! 16!! SIXTEEN!! And you treat him as if he has more respect, power, seniority, superiority and authority than I do!!!
What kind of example are you setting????
– You’ve taken my strength, now you’ve got my own son disrespecting me just like you enjoy doing so.
You destroyed me, you crushed me, you broke me down and worst of all YOU DESTROYED MY SON with your parental irresponsibility. And I hate you.
Dude, when I divorce you, I’m NOT feeling sorry for your ass AT ALL. I’m NOT leaving empty handed.
I WILL GET WHAT IS OWED TO ME. BECAUSE I DESERVE IT!!!!!!!!!!
I’M SO SICK AND TIRED OF YOU CONTROLLING AND BULLYING ME. NOW YOU’VE GOT NATHAN DOING IT. I’M GOING TO TELL THE JUDGE THIS TOO. I’M GOING TO TELL HIM EVERYTHING!
YOU’RE A NARCISSISTIC MENTAL ABUSER!
SO GO AHEAD AND SAY “YEH WHATEVER” like you always do and trash this email because you know what? I keep everything. I take notes every time you treat me like shit. I have an online journal for safe keeping. (I’m not stupid enough to keep it them in my possession.) I keep every text, email, letter, note, etc.
I told FREE Legal Aid to keep my name in the system. So all I have to do is call them when I’m ready.
Especially because I didn’t want it to have to come to this.
I’M SO DONE WITH YOUR MISTREATMENT, I’M SO FUCKING READY to get my alimony and up out of here. I’ve never been treated like this before in my freaking life and i never deserved this!!!!
You’re a fucking narcissistic sociopath!